Triggered!

The Innocent Question That Sent Me Spiraling, and How I Put Myself Back Together

“So… What have you been up to lately?”

Innocent question, right? But when I was asked this during a recent meeting to discuss a potential new opportunity, it felt like a gut-punch.

Let me be clear: I knew the person was just doing their job. But in that moment, a wave of defensiveness bubbled up inside me.

What do you mean, what have I been up to? I’m juggling multiple businesses, investing, mentoring founders, growing Pizzana, writing newsletters, showing up for my family—what haven’t I been doing??

But, of course, I didn’t say that. I smiled, took a breath, and calmly listed a few highlights: Shark Tank, my book, my LinkedIn Brandlink deal, the steady growth of Pizzana. But even after the interview ended, the question lingered. And I couldn’t shake how much it had rattled me.

When something sticks like that, I’ve learned it’s worth digging into.

Why That Question Got to Me

I’m not immune to imposter syndrome, of course, but I do consider myself a fairly confident person. I’ve built, sold, and reinvented businesses. I’ve weathered public scrutiny and private setbacks. I’ve developed resilience and perspective through the highs and lows.

So why did such a simple question throw me off?

At 51, I guess I’d like to think my résumé speaks for itself—that I’ve earned the right not to have to hard sell myself every time I step into a room. That decades of risk-taking eventually buys you a kind of credibility buffer. But perhaps that’s wishful thinking.

Pizzana for OLA Beach Tennis Club

I think it’s also because, as entrepreneurs—or anyone building something outside of a corporate box—progress isn’t always linear or visible. There’s no quarterly review, no title bump, no easy soundbite that sums it all up. So much of our work happens behind the scenes: rethinking strategy, exploring ideas, testing new angles.

And when someone casually asks what you’ve been up to, it can feel like a challenge. Like: Have you done anything worth talking about lately?

And if we’re not careful, that question can morph into something much heavier:
Am I doing enough?
Am I enough?

The Work That Moves the Needle

Over the past few months, I’ve been quietly ramping up Pizzana’s marketing efforts — collaborations, content creator partnerships, and thoughtful buzz-building campaigns. None of it screams breaking news, but together, these small moves are adding up: increasing relevancy, driving awareness, building brand equity, and ultimately, raising sales.

It’s dutiful work. It’s foundational work. The kind that rarely gets a standing ovation in the moment—but over time, it moves the needle.

Pizzana X Molly Baz, the Ayoh Maestro sandwich!

And then there’s the work that isn’t remotely “marketable.”

Like being fully present for two teenage boys who really need me. My older one, in particular, is chasing big dreams — athletic and academic — with a level of discipline, triumph, and heartbreak that many people won’t experience until well into adulthood.

Supporting him, and instilling in both of them the values, grit, and mindset to carry them into a fulfilling life — that’s the work I’m most proud of.

And yet… it’s not something I can tout in a room full of suits.
It’s not a headline.
It’s not a slide in a pitch deck.

But that, too, is what building an enduring brand — and life — actually looks like.

When You Feel Like You Need to “Prove” Yourself

It’s not always easy to explain the kind of work that matters most. And yet, we’re often asked to — at a cocktail party, when reconnecting with a former colleague, or while applying for a new opportunity.

So what do you do when you’re caught off guard by a question that feels like it’s asking you to argue your worth?

Here are 5 tips that helped me reframe that moment—and that continue to ground me when I feel that old pressure to perform:

1. Flip the question inward.
Instead of performing for others, ask yourself: Am I proud of how I’m spending my time? Am I aligned with my values?That’s what matters most. When you reframe success through your own lens—not someone else’s—you’ll find peace even when applause is absent.

2. Own the invisible work.
Not all progress is public. The brainstorming, the mentoring, the systems you’re quietly building—that’s the work that creates lasting change. Just because no one sees the effort doesn’t mean it doesn’t matter. Quiet growth is still growth.

3. Redefine success.
Sometimes success is a milestone. Other times, it’s holding the line. Showing up. Being present. Pushing through the slow seasons. Trusting the long game. And sometimes, success has nothing to do with work at all. It’s nurturing your family, protecting your peace, or investing in relationships that matter. A fulfilling life is the real goal—and work is just one piece of that puzzle.

4. Have a go-to line.
Sometimes the best response is a good euphemism. “I’ve been in a building season” or “laying some quiet groundwork” buys you time—and a little dignity. Better yet, prep a short line that sums up your recent focus with confidence. Think of it as your self-worth elevator pitch—delivered with a smile.

5. Assume good intentions.
That question “What have you been up to?” might feel loaded, but often it’s coming from a place of curiosity or admiration. Maybe they’re asking because you are always up to something interesting. Give them (and yourself) the benefit of the doubt. It softens the moment and reminds you that your work, even when messy or mid-process, is worth sharing.

What I’m Carrying Forward

That interview moment reminded me: even when we think we’ve outgrown external validation, it has a sneaky way of creeping back in. But it also reminded me to pause and see what I am building—day by day, quietly, intentionally.

It may not always be shiny or headline-worthy. But it’s real. It’s meaningful. And it matters.

So if you’re in a season where your work doesn’t feel flashy or easy to explain—know that you’re not alone.

You’re still building. Still showing up. Still growing.

And yes, I’ll keep you posted on that fun opportunity in the months ahead.

But in the meantime, I’m learning to answer “what have you been up to?” with a little less performance—and a lot more conviction.

XO,

candace

P.S. What have you been up to lately? Tell me your proudest recent accomplishment—in any area of life. Or, give me your go-to euphemism or snappy comeback. I could use some fresh material!